中文
Stress is that uneasy feeling we have when we are in a troublesome
situation. That situation might be a big situation, like losing our
job or suddenly getting diagnosed with a serious illness. It might
also be a smaller, everyday type situation, like running late for an
appointment, losing our keys, or getting into an argument with a
co-worker. Whether the situation is big or small, when we react with
all sorts of negative thoughts, we end up saying and doing things that
make matters worse. Maybe we’re the type that gets angry when we don’t
like something so we lash out at people. Maybe we worry ourselves sick
and feel totally paralyzed, so we do nothing and trap ourselves in
problems. Maybe we get depressed so we feel helpless and blame
ourselves for the mess we’re in. The particular type of stress that we
feel actually comes from the individual way we react to the problems
we face. If our negative reactions go unresolved, our stress increases.
REACTIONS AND HABITS
Let’s learn more about the cause of stress – our habitual negative
reactions and thoughts. these reactions come up quickly, like a knee
jerk reflex. We don’t actually take the time to think before we react;
it happens automatically, like being on auto-pilot. For example, when
a certain person we can’t stand simply looks at us, we instantly react
with anger. Then, we blame that person for pushing our button. The
very fact that we have the button means that we already have a trigger
for anger with this particular person. The trigger is sitting there,
ready to fire anytime that person does the slightest thing we don’t
like.
Each of us has our own set of these reflex type reactions. We react in a
certain way so often that the reactions become hardened over time.
We have our own favorite way to handle situations, and we react very
quickly based simply on how we feel. We don’t stop to think first,
and when we just do what we feel like, our actions are often not
appropriate for the situation. They don’t even come close to solving
the problem.
TRIGGERS
The triggers for our reactions are already planted in us, so they
easily cloud our thinking and create biases in our judgment. For
example, if our reaction is to always get angry at a certain person,
our dislike of this person is already planted in us. We have a well
formed trigger for getting angry at this person that is easily set off.
Then, no matter what the person does, even if the person means well,
we immediately jump to conclusions and assume the worst. For example,
that person asks us a simple question and we see it as a personal
attack. A comment that is honestly meant to be helpful is interpreted
as harsh criticism. Every conversation becomes a challenge. Our
biases prevent us from seeing the true picture so we say and do things
based on wrong or incomplete information. When we don’t know something
about a situation, we just fill in our own preconceived ideas. We are
blinded by our own reactions so our partial view of the situation is
completely off the mark.
Stress is often seen as external circumstances that disturb us and make
us miserable. When we use the Ding Sum approach, we recognize that
stress is actually the result of our own reactions. It is how we view a
situation and how we choose to react that gives us stress. We cannot
control our external circumstances; however, we can use Ding Sum to
control ourselves and the choices we make, so we calmly respond to
situations in an appropriate, helpful way.
